My husband is a feeder. In fact, I come from a family of feeders. My mum’s one too – you can’t leave her house without coming home with the contents of her fridge, or left-overs from her dinner. Even if you politely try to say “no”, she manages to get one of your unsuspecting kids or your husband to take it so any refusals are effectively pointless! She has even gone so far as trying to sneak food into my pockets as I was leaving to go home once!!
They aren’t even discrete about it like my mum, they will offer food as soon as you park your bottom on the sofa, and they won’t take “no” for an answer. They will wear you down by continually offering different food until they find a winner! On every occasion the chocolate box (they’ve both got one that’s full of different types of chocolate that they keep in the fridge) comes out and we are forced to take at least two or three bars each – I honestly don’t know how I made it through my childhood without getting loads of cavities, and being severely obese – it was probably all the running and climbing trees we used to do outside!
Does anyone else have a husband who’s a feeder?
My husband does most of the cooking in our house. Don’t get me wrong… It’s not that I can’t cook, or even that I don’t want to cook, it’s just that my husband likes cooking. Sometimes he doesn’t like cooking but even then, he won’t let me cook. I don’t think it’s because my cooking is terrible, I think he just wants to make me happy and give me a rest – also when I cook, I use every utensil, pot and pan in the kitchen and we usually end up eating about midnight – maybe that’s why he prefers to do it!
A lot of people would probably say “how lovely”, and, I have a kind and thoughtful husband. Some may say I don’t know how good I’ve got it and should stop moaning about it and and learn to appreciate him – and I do! The problem is, when you’re waited on hand and foot by your significant other, making you dinners that are “cooked with love” and bringing you snacks every five minutes, you can very easily put on lots of weight!
And what a nightmare is this . . . We’ve got a little corner shop 20 seconds from our house. Both my youngest kids (6 & 8) have got my husband wrapped around their little fingers – they usually manage to persuade him to get them some sweets. Every night he say’s “I’m just popping over the shop, do you want anything?” Every night I say “no”. When he gets back from the shop five minutes later, he always has something – be it a bag of marshmallows, a bag of Eclairs, a box (not just one; a box of 4!) of Magnum-style ice-creams, or some kind of cake…!
Even when I don’t ask for it and don’t really want it…
He’ll pop his head around the door and say, ” You did tell me you didn’t want anything (the clue is in my last statement!) but, I know how much you like these”…. It can get very tricky if you say “no” – his face will drop, crestfallen; “why don’t you want it??!” Even if you try to explain that you are grateful, but all this ‘love‘ is making me fat and miserable. He will stop for a day or two, then it will start again!
Often, people tell me about friends who do the same thing to them. Constantly offering them food and bringing them chocolate or things they know will sabotage their diets. They will often say things like “you don’t need to lose weight”, or “you will be too skinning if you lose any more weight”, or “you look OK to me”! Is it because these people truly want to be nice, or could it be something a bit more vindictive??!
In the case of my husband, he knows he’s got a problem – he even makes jokes about being a serial feeder; he just doesn’t know when to stop – it’s almost as if he has some kind of illness – he constantly feels the need to bring me things to make me happy – invariably, it makes me miserable as I feel so guilty when I do relent. I know it’s my fault. If I was more assertive and said “no” every-single-time, he would stop after a while… I just don’t want to hurt his feelings or upset him – or is it because deep-down I do really want him to bring me these ‘naughty’ things – is it really me who’s sabotaging my diet, not my husband?! 😉
. . . and said an emphatic “no”, these people would eventually get the hint and realise that we are serious about losing weight and getting healthy, and not just playing at it until the next temptation comes around the corner?
Here’s 5 ways to avoid gaining weight in a relationship:
- Cook healthy meals together… Both partners live healthier lives when they are eating healthy food.
- Try to combine exercise into your daily routine… Ten minutes in the morning, at lunch time and in the evening with a walk after dinner ends up to be 30 minutes of exercise each day. It becomes more manageable when we break it down into small increments of time.
- Get a hobby… Women who have hobbies or healthy ways to relieve stress turn less to food for comfort.
- Make your time together more about doing activities with each other and friends rather than going out to dinner where you sit and eat.
- Be a good role model to your kids… New obesity research reveals that if your child is overweight at age five, there is a higher likelihood that they will suffer from weight related illness throughout their life. Give your children the best start possible.
What do you think?! Is your husband a feeder?
Jo (no longer being fed!) Matthews xx 😀